Not how I thought it would turn out to be
by HappyAsIAm.x
Summary: Should I carry on?
1. From the beginning

Up until recently I hadn't really thought about what it would be like to spend my whole entire life with that one special person. Well I have, but I always thought I'd get married and have children. Well I guess I still will one day, it's just I never expected it to be with a girl. I always thought it would be with a guy. Isn't meant to be easier that way? I mean people accept you more to be straight, not gay.

Well it took me two years to come out to the whole wide world. Well it's not I was shouting "I'M GAY" from the rooftop or anything, but I became more accepting of my own sexuality. It's just a shame my parents haven't fully accepted me yet, but luckily my sister is getting there and my brother... well he's just a freak! That's James for you...

So my name is Emily and I feel in love with this one girl, Naomi. I could tell you the story on how we met but I wouldn't want to bore you... well I'm sure you want to know anyway... so here it goes...

It happened when I was eighteen years old... we met in our place of work, which was at an art class. I had only started working for a few weeks, so I was pretty new to this job as much as she was. Anyway one day, when she started her new job, our boss James Cook called us into his little office on the second floor of the building. As I walked in, I noticed her. She looked... amazingly gorgeous with her longish blonde hair and as she turned around to look at me, I caught a glimpse of her brightly coloured blue loving eyes... then she turned around back to James to listen to what he had to say.

I took a seat next to her on the cream white sofa trying not to be too close to her, eventhough I really wanted to be. It was honestly hard not to be. I focused into these wonderful thoughts thinking about her and what it would be like to spend time with her...

"EMILY?" James shouted, which completely focused me back into the normal world.

"Sorry" I said timidly.

I think he noticed I was day dreaming because he gave me a cheeky wink and a smile. I blushed.

"Anyway as I was saying, I would like you to show Naomi one of your teaching classes as she is new here and doesn't know what to expect" James stated.

"Okay sure..." I looked at her and she smiled at me, but quickly turned her focus back onto James.

"Good that's sorted then. Naomi, Emily here will take good care of you and show you the routine of what we do in order to teach our customers how to draw. You will both be working together until Naomi fully understands the role of her job and is able to achieve it on her own without any problems." James finally mentioned. "Therefore you both can get back to work and prepare for the young children's class tomorrow"

So that's what we did, well Naomi went off somewhere and I was just stuck with dealing with this preparation on my own. I wondered where she went to as it almost seemed as if she was running away from me. I tried my hardest not to think of the worse because I had only just met this girl. I don't know her... and I desperately wanted to...

Hour an hour later after preparing for this lesson, I heard and saw Naomi talking on the phone to someone, but couldn't quite make out what she was saying. I know, I feel like a stalker and trust me it only gets worse as time passes on. I easily get jealous though whenever she talks to someone because I want her to talk to me. Have I mentioned that she hasn't spoken one word to me yet, and I thought it was us who were meant to be working on preparing for this class, not all the other people she has been speaking to? GAH! I just feel like I shouldn't be this jealous, not when I only met her half an hour ago... before that she was a complete and utter stranger to me. I wish she felt the same as me though... and guess what? No one knows that I'm gay yet, even I haven't properly focused it but I know I am, because I've never really fancied guys and never had a boyfriend, unlike my sister Katie.

Anyway... she finally comes up to me about three hours after the meeting we had with James.

"Hey, I guess we should start working on that class for tomorrow then...?"

I must have totally gone away with the fairies because she just stared at me waiting for me to respond.

"Oh sorry, yeah I had actually already started planning it out, I could show you my ideas if you want..?" I spoke shyly.

"Yeah okay sure..." she replied.

So that's how it started, our conversation just flowed from there and I actually found out a few interesting facts about her. How she only came into this job because she knew James rather well and was actually his best friend. Weird, huh? Small world I must say. She also told me that she was an only child and is the same age as me. I must admit, even though she told me all these facts about her and I did want to get to know her more, I just really wanted to be with her more. Luckily James told us earlier today when we were planning tomorrow's session, that there will be a welcome party for Naomi, which obviously requires a lot of free alcohol! I must say, I honestly can't wait until tonight.

Later on, I was upstairs in my room planning on what to wear for this welcome party tonight. It must have taken me approximately two whole hours just deciding on an outfit to wear. Finally, I chose my favourite red and black dress along with my white wedges.

I listened to my favourite CD, Lady GaGa (you just can't beat it, it's totally awesome!) and was singing rather loudly because Katie kept telling me to shut the fuck up. Hey, who would listen to their sister, when your mega happy? Not me! Well, I do have every intention to be happy don't I? I mean, in the last 24 hours I've acknowledged; I'm gay, I like a girl, and I'm about to get and spend loads of time getting drunk with Naomi Campbell being at the same party, in the same room as me. Surely that's got to make anyone happy? Definitely!

So, now it's 7:30pm and the party starts at 8pm. I decide to take a taxi to the venue because if I'm getting drunk then I can't drive, hence the "don't drink and drive" policy. I head out the door when I hear Katie shouting my name,

"Emily, where you going? I said to mum and dad that we'd both be in for dinner tonight as they are coming over to visit their two "favourite" daughters."

I almost laughed at this. Favourite? Who was she trying to fool, me or her because trust me my mum doesn't know the mean of the word. Anyway I didn't laugh and told her that I was going to my work's party because a new employee had started and was my boss's best friend... but I didn't mention who it was. Not like she would have known anyway it's just I didn't want to get into a conversation about them with her. So I just headed out of the door when I heard the taxi beep and startle me to death. I really was nervous. I needed a drink. I seriously needed several drinks and I needed them now!

Once I arrived at the venue, it was just gone 8pm and I looked around to see if I could spot James... or even Naomi. No sign. Therefore, I went up to the free bar and purchased my order. I decided to make it a shot of tequila and a double vodka and coke. Well I did need the alcohol, after all I was starting to feel sick because my nerves were going out of control and I felt like I was drowning and couldn't save myself anymore. I didn't understand why I felt like this, I had never felt like this towards a guy before, or any other girl for that matter, then again I have never fancied a girl before her... oh shit! I'm slightly tipsy now (well I have had a few shots and drinks, yeah I lost count a while ago, your point being?) and I see her, but she's not along, she's accompanied by this other girl with red hair. I'm slightly jealous... and then I see them holding hands... okay now I'm insanely jealous. I take a big gulp as I walk (or try to walk) over to her and her new "friend".

"Hiiiiiiiii" I say almost too quickly. "Who's this?" I don't know if she noticed it but I have a really jealous tone in my voice and I hope she didn't seem to notice it as after all it seemed like this was her girlfriend or something. I mean is she gay? Geeze!

"Hello Emily, this is Jenny, my girlfriend" Naomi smiles

Uhhhh-ohhh. I smile to be polite, but inside I'm dying. How could I not realise she had a girlfriend? Well she's gay and the most prettiest person I have ever seen. It's just a shame she has a girlfriend. Anyway I decided not to let it bother me too much eventhough it really does.

I leave them to it, and go up to Cook who's with another employee.

"Hi James, I thought I'd join you since I don't know anyone here except you and Naomi and I rarely know her at that..." I seemed to be waffling on and on so I decided I should shut up before I let the alcohol overtake me too much. Not that it already hasn't. "So who's this then?"

"Okay then Ems... you couldn't have fooled me, looks like you're disappointed that she has brought Jenny with her... I can tell when you're jealous. Anyway this is Adam, he's been in this job for almost two years now. He's also pretty good at making people jealous" He winked at me! He fucking winked. Geeze. "I know Naomi is my best friend and everything, but I can also tell that you like her."

I froze. How could he possibly know this? Then again, he has had a lot of experience in knowing when people fall each other, because he told me this long story about how he fell in love with one of his college friends, a girl name Effy. It was a rather sweet story as well if you ask me. So I guess I know where he's coming from. "Erm... no I don't" I honestly couldn't tell the truth, not to my boss about his own best friend. Besides they seem really happy together. So I decide to face up to the truth. I'm never going to get her. I decide to do the next best thing and try to be her friend. I mean we are going to be working together after all on this class tomorrow.


	2. Art class

**So I wrote this in approximately an hour so it's not the best but I'm not the best at writting. Not something I want to do anyway. Enjoy :)**

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New day. New start. Not like I haven't had much chance for a change anyway but I'm not even going to get a lifestyle change anymore. Well.. I just want her to be happy so I guess that's all that matters to me, and she is happy. So there isn't anything I can do to change that.

Last night was eventful but it didn't go exactly how I wanted it to.. or progress from any futher. It's backtracked a bit.. well to be honest, it was just like we were both friends anyway, so surely there isn't anymore harm in proceeding to be friends, is there? Yeah... I am a bit... well a lot gutted that we aren't going to be girlfriends, but she's happy. I have to leave her and her girlfriend Jenny alone.

I see Naomi heading on her way over to me and I'm again distracted out of my thoughts.

"Hey Emily. What time does that class start?" she askes me.

"Erm.. in an hour. You all ready? Because I am!" I replied.

"Yeah, just a bit nervous about it. I mean I don't even like children for Christ sake! I hope it won't bore me too much." She laughed.

"Don't worry, it will be fine. They don't last that long, just about an hour, maybe a bit longer. Depends if we cover all our aspects in today's session or not. I'm sure we will have fun anyway" She smiled and nodded.

An hour passed and we just discussed what we were going to teach and I told her that it will be fine and that she needs to just watch what I'm doing with the children and to acknowledge that for when she starts to teach these children in a few weeks time. Anyway, so now we are inside the classroom waiting for the ten children to come into the classroom. We laid out paint and brushes for every table of two children on it.

The children came in within about ten minutes and we finally got started.

"So hello everyone again. Today we are going to continue with painting our pictures that we all started last week. This is Naomi and she is also here to help you with anything you are struggling with as well as myself. Just make sure you put your hand up if you need any help and one of us will come and help you. So you can all get started on your paintings now."

"YAYYYYY!" some of the children screamed before getting on with their paintings. They all talked among themselves whilst painting their pictures.

Me and Naomi have been talking for quite a while now. We just basically talked about random facts about ourselves. I can't help but get rid of this loving feeling for her even though I know we are never going to be together. I got over this fact last night when I saw her with Jenny. Oh yeah and we spoke about her and her girlfriend. I could tell that she really liked her because of the way she smiled and spoke about her. Apparently they haven't been going out for that long, only a week. I must admit I am gutted I hadn't met her sooner because I could have had a chance with her, but they have known each other for a few years and were good friend at school, so maybe not, since I hardly know her. Anyway I do get jealous of this quite a bit but I'm just glad we are getting along.

"Missssssssss" I hear a little boy shout, which once again distracted me from my thoughts.

"Yes, Chris?" I say.

"Can you help me pleaseee. I can't paint my mummy's head very well. I want her head to be purple and I keep getting this horrible yucky brown colour."

"Okay, I'll show you how to make the colour purple. Here you take some red and mix it in with some blue. Depending on how light or dark you want it add more of one colour, but not too much otherwise you'll get that yucky brown colour."

"Thanks Missss" I smiled at him and walked back over to Naomi.

Once the class had finished and all the children had successfully painted their first paintings, I collected them in with Naomi and put them on the walls in the room under the heading "Children's first paintings aged 5-9 years old". I smiled to myself quite happy that we achieved our plan successfully. That being, that we had managed to get the children to paint a painting.

Later on, I went home to my flat, and made myself something to eat before settling down and going on my laptop. I logged onto and checked to see if I had any formspring messages. I don't know why I check really because I never get any. Surprisingly I got a question in my inbox by an anonymous sender. I check my question and it says, "Hey sexy. How you doing?" I replying saying, "great thanks you? ;)" I don't know who it is, but for some reason Naomi is the first person that pops into my head, so I decide to search her name to see if she has formspring. Luckily I find her name and her profile so I decide to send her a message. I don't know if she sent me this message, probably not but I thought why not send her one anyway? So I do.. "Hey sexy. How you doing?" I know someone already posted that comment, but if it was her then you never know! I read down to check her notes that others have written and see her comments as well. Some of them I am well shocked at like "Are you straight?" and she replied "No. I'm gay. I like girls. Always have. Always will." And one from yesterday, "Do you like anyone at the moment?" "Yes eventhough I'm not sure my girlfriend will be too happy about that.. ;)" Damn! I wait half an hour for a response but don't seem to get one so I just turn my laptop off and head to bed, ready for another day tomorrow.

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**Please review :) Thanks for everyone who had added their story to their favourite and commented on it :) **

**x x**


	3. Moving on

Chapter 3

I wake up to the sound of my phone ringing... great... time to get up for work...

Day one. Yeah to be honest I don't know how I'm going to cope with this "friends" thing, but I get it'll just be the same as now only less flirty... wait, what? See I'm not good at this... well at least I'll be concentrating on my job and not let any distractions (Naomi) get in the way of that.

I get showered and dressed.. I decided to wear something casual, jeans a t-shirt with my favourite white hoody jacket. I straighten my hair and put my make up on...ready for work. I'm on my work when the phone rings:

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me, your loving sister. I was just wondering what you doing tonight?" Katie says almost too happily for 8'oclock in the morning.

Hmm what am I doing tonight? "Nothing much, might watch a DVD and eat loads of ice cream" Well I do need it!

"Well shove your plan, it sucks. Your coming to this new club which has opened up in town with me and this cool guy I met last night, he's also bringing some of his friends, so I thought you could hang around with them.."

"Oh great! Thanks a lot Katie..." I knew I'd end up getting left alone with people I don't know. Geeze! My sister can be so predictable at times.

"Well you like new people and I thought maybe you deserve a night out seen as though you haven't been out in a while." She said.

"Right fine then but I have to go now. I have to go to work! Or else I'm going to be late!"

"Okay, bye. I'll be round at 8pm. See you tonight! Love you"

"Yeah. Bye" I replied as I put the phone down and made my way to work.

I'm in work and I quickly check my formspring, as I forgot to do it this morning. Yeah.. all day I have been looking at Naomi. Stupid plan sucks. Well I have a message:

"Hey, I'm not too bad, yourself gorgeous? ;)"

I debate on whether to reply or not... I decide against it... for now. I mean she could easily come over here and see the comment, and I'd love it to be a "secret". Not really much of a secret when nothing is going to happen.

_Ding dong. _

Okay so now it's just before 8pm, so I let my loving sister inside so we can get ready together for tonight. I must admit I am a bit excited because I haven't been out with her in months, but then again, she'll probably just fuck off with some tosser she only just met... but never mind I guess I'll have to deal with his friends.

By 9:30pm, we are ready to go, so we jump in a taxi and are on our way to the club. I can honestly say I'm slightly tipsy, but only slight.

As I step into the club, I hear clubland pumping through the entire room and I'm blinded by the flashing lazer lights. Instantly Katie drags me by the hand to across the other side of the room. Great I guess this is the point where I meet her new "boyfriend"? and his friends. Exciting stuff! NOT! Or maybe it is...

"EMILYY!" Cook shouts... great and I guess his friends being... yeah you guessed it, Naomi and Jenny! Fucking great. This night couldn't get any worse... well that's a lie.. this is just the beginning, the night hasn't even started yet, but I can tell I'm going to be bored as hell and jealous. Yep that pretty much covers it.

"Oh hey James" I look over to Naomi and Jenny, "Hi" I say to them almost too quietly.

"Oh great you know each other! Why didn't you say so Emzy?" Katie cheerily said.

I just look at her as if she was on a different planet. Yeah she didn't exactly tell me the names of her "new friends". Damn her, I wouldn't have agreed to come if I knew this.

Well anyway I go to the bar and grab a drink. It looks like Katie and Cook have fucked off somewhere anyway, and Naomi and Jenny are all lovey dovey. So I guess that leave me with.. yeah myself! Oh doesn't it suck? Never mind have to get used to this.. may as well have a good time. So after about half an hour of drinking and staring at Naomi (yeah she hasn't been looking anyway, she's just talking to Jenny), I head over to the dancefloor and start dancing. I don't know what I'm doing to be honest with you.. but I should have a good time right? I start flirting, whilst looking at Naomi aswell from time to time, with this really pretty girl actually. She has light brown/dark blonde medium length hair, which is nicely straightened, with green eyes I think... and she's wearing this dark blue dress with black tights and shoes.

After about five-ten minutes of flirting, I can see Naomi staring at me and looking fairly shocked, but I notice that she's alone and not with Jenny. She quickly looks away almost as sudden as I noticed her staring. Eventhough you can't really see much with these lights flashing all over the place and being drunk doesn't help one bit, I'm sure I saw the jealousy in her face. So I prove my point my leaning into kiss this "random" girl, whose name I found out was indeed Aly.

I briefly open my eyes just to see her leaving without looking at me once... this thing is I don't know if I've made this better or worse for myself...


	4. Mixed reactions

Chapter 4 

I pull back and apologize before running away from her. Gawsh I felt so dizzy right now, the effects of alcohol! I try and find Katie because I'm so fucking messed up and upset right now, even though I caused this mess. Damn! There are thousands of people in this fucking place and all I want to do is go home and cry because I honestly can't handle not being without Naomi for much longer. It kills me every time I see her and Jenny together. Eugh! Finally I find Katie... great she's all fucking loved up with Cook. Luckily I don't see Naomi, but I see Jenny.

"Eugh, they need to get a room! Howcome your here on your own, where's Naomi gone?" I don't know why I'm asking really because it's obvious where she's gone, but I'm surprised she's not with Jenny.

"Yeah I know. I've just come back from the bar, but I don't know where Naomi has gotten too. It's a shame really, I hoped tonight we would have been able to work things out... she's been a little distracted lately and I don't know why." Jenny responded and it made me even more confused.

"Oh.. maybe we should go look for her?" it came out of my mouth before I could stop it. Damn this alcohol. I wanted to just go home and cry but now I have to go and look for a girl I really like. You might ask what the hell is wrong with me, but I'm just hurt that she has Jenny and not me, and I'm trying to forget her... it just isn't working.

"Yeah good idea. Let's go check outside, she sometimes has a smoke to calm down and think"

So off we went, down the stairs and out into the back, there weren't many people out here surprisingly so it was easy to spot her. She hasn't noticed us walking up to her yet, I'm glad but I'm also fucking nervous. I regret kissing Aly and now I have to live with it. Yeah the effects of alcohol has suddenly worn off.

OH-MY-GOD! Yeah she just turned around and stared at me for a brief second before turning completely to Jenny. But that didn't make me go "OMG" at, it was the fact that her eyes were all red and puffy. Damn she must have been crying for some time.. it made me feel hurt and sad. I don't know why she was crying, I thought maybe it had been because of me kissing Aly to make her jealous but it can't have been that, then I suddenly thought of what Jenny said.

But then all of a sudden she moved closer to Jenny and kissed her passionately whilst I just stood there froze. Yeah I know they're girlfriends, but I've never seen them kiss before and all of a sudden I had a horrible pain in my stomach and I could feel my eyes watering.. I had to get out of there quick... so I ran... ran for the nearest exit and to find a taxi. By which point I was crying my eyes out. I don't understand why it feels like this. I mean I've never felt like this before... not even for a fucking guy for fucks sake!

As soon as I get home, I ran upstairs and dragged my clothes off before hobbling into bed. Thank gawd it was the weekend tomorrow and I didn't have to go into work to see her.. my head and heart hurts and I don't even know why. I just wished I could move on from her, but every time I see her with Jenny I know I can't even though it hurts and is so damn hard. I have to do something, fucking anything! It takes me forever to get to sleep but somehow I manage it.

The next morning I wake up and decide to go visit Katie seen as though I just left last night without telling her, even though I tried but she just was a bit too busy kissing Cook's face off.

Knock knock.

I see Katie there in her dressing gown and looking rough. I start to laugh slightly, even though it hurts to right now.

"AFTERNOON Katie.. you look good" I sneak out of a cheeky smile of mine before hugging her.

"Yeah whatever bitch! Where the fuck did you go off to last night anyway? I mean one minute you were waiting for me and the next, you were gone and no-one could find you." She commented.

"Yeah... I know I was just too tired.." Yeah I know it's a lie but I'm scared she'll judge me.

"Okay then.. well what's up with you then, you haven't been acting yourself lately?" she said as she made us a cup of tea.

"Uhmm yeah just work and stuff I guess.." I grabbed the tea she made and smiled before sitting onto the sofa.

"Stuff? What kind of stuff?" she responded as she joined me on the sofa.

"I don't want to talk about it.." I lowered my head hoping she would just forget it.

"Come on Ems.. it can't be that bad." She smiled.

"It is, It'll be alright soon" I said looking at her and giving her a quick smile.

"Alright then but I'm here for you, yeah? Remember that"

"I know, thanks Katie"

We just sat there talking about last night even though I was desperately trying not to think about Naomi as we discussed this. It was hard but Katie made it seem okay, seen as though all she was talking about is how I didn't tell her that I knew Cook.

So a couple of hours later, I decided to go shopping with Katie, seen as though she wanted new clothes, yet again. Luckily, it was just sister time and it was nice spending time with her so I didn't complain.. much. We went around all the expensive shops and eventually she bought a nice purple dress and some high heel shoes which perfectly matched. She told me she had a date with Cook and I was happy for her, because he did seem like a nice guy.. or he can be.

Now, it was around 7pm and I headed home and had a quick shower before beginning to relax and I decided to check my formspring and I instantly decide to reply to Naomi's message, as I did forget. Well.. that's a lie because I didn't respond, I just decided to post her a new formspring message... well I was writing it again, "I like you, but I don't want to" and all of a sudden the doorbell went, so I went to answer it, forgetting to send the message.. only as I opened the door I saw the one person I never expected to see at my door... however her mind seemed to be focused straight ahead and I suddenly realised.

FUCK!


	5. Didn't expect that!

**Thank you for all your review and that :) Means a lot to me. Chapter is longer than the other three. Hope you like it. :) **

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Chapter 5

So there I was stuck in the mud! Shit, before I could stop her, she barged right past me and went over to my laptop just to clarify what she saw and read was indeed true. Then slowly she turned around and I could almost see tears in her eyes. Double fuck. I hadn't intended on that happening. You don't want to know how I'm feeling right now. Damn I can't even look at her, yet talk to her. Luckily for me, I didn't have to, as she stepped toward me pushing me against the wall. I could feel her edging closer to me and her warm breath on my skin before whispering in my ear,

"Don't worry babe, I don't want to like you either" I froze honestly I couldn't move but before I could she had already left. FUCK! I seem to have a habit of messing up lately, but she did just admit she liked me didn't she? I mean not literally but OH-MY-GAWD. She does. I had a grin on my face right now but I am so gutted.

Well I managed to move out of my little bubble and I turned off my computer, actually I kept on wondering why she came over in the first place.

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It was a couple of months later and nothing happened between me and Naomi. Well she seemed to be avoiding me, I mean we didn't even speak to each other unless it was required, which was hardly ever. Anyway now it's Christmas day and I'm spending this wonderful time at my parents home. Wonder what crazy mess up will happen this year?

I knock on their door and wait for either one of my parents or James to answer. Finally a few seconds later, my mum shows up,

"Hello Emily. How are you?" she says as she gives me a massive hug which is far too tight that I'm actually struggling to breathe here.

"Mum, let go please. I'm suffocating here!" I gasp out.

"Sorry darling, I've just missed you. Come on in. Katie's already here." She smiles as she walks away to resume on with the cooking. I can smell it from here and it smells delicious.

So I grab a drink before heading into the living room to see my sister and, what a pleasant surprise, Cook!

I sit on the other side of the room before saying hi to Katie and Cook. I know Cook is my boss but I've been trying to avoid him as much as possible because I don't want an awkward conversation, especially after that night all those months ago. Luckily for me, he hasn't said anything about Naomi since then. I mean he doesn't know anything that is happening (or was, but not really) eugh. I should shut up now, shouldn't I? Anyway I make small talk with them I guess, before my mum calls us into the kitchen to eat and celebrate Christmas.

"Merry Christmas!" we all cheer and start to eat our yummy Christmas dinner.

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Later on, in the evening, we are all sitting down to watch a movie, meet the fockers or something like that even though it should be called me the fuckers seen as though their parents are a bit fucked up, kind of like my parents. I'm not even focused on this movie because I can't seem to stop thinking about Naomi recently due to the conversation me and Cook had earlier.

"_So how come you haven't gone to your parents Cook?" I wonder._

"_Well my mum isn't here, she left a long time ago and my dad I haven't spoken to since I was younger so I don't have any family really. I do sometimes go to Naomi's though, but I couldn't this year, so Katie asked me if I wanted to come here instead of me spending Christmas alone." He looks at Katie and gives her a kiss on the cheek. Aww sweet._

"_Oh that must be shit! How come you didn't go to Naomi's this year?" I ask concerned but also curious._

"_Yeah it is but I've got used to it now." He laughs, "...and Naomi has gone away for Christmas with her mum. She needed a break for a bit seen as though what happened recently really affected her."_

"_Why, what happened?" I say, again curious but concerned. _

"_Her and Jenny split up. She found out Jenny was cheating on her and she was pretty upset so she's gone away to try and enjoy herself... hopefully she'll be okay. She comes back in a few days anyway, so I'm going to see her to see how she is, but no doubt she won't be herself." He states unaware that I'm actually slightly happy that now I have a chance with her even though I am gutted for her. I never expected Jenny to be that sort of person. She seemed really nice when I saw her at that club. _

"_Yeah I hope she'll be okay too." _

So now here I am thinking about her and it just makes me so fucking angry to actually have any one to cheat on her, I mean how can you? She's so fucking gorgeous and why would anyone want to ruin a relationship with her? Pfft! I know I wouldn't want to.

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So now New Years Eve is here and we all decide to spend it together, and by all I mean, Cook, Katie, Naomi, Freddie, JJ, Effy, Pandora and Thomas. (They're some of my work colleagues, who happens to be my friends too). Cook persuaded Naomi to come out with us and luckily she accepted, even though Cook told me she was relentless into coming.

I'm stood outside this club with Katie waiting for the others to arrive. I decided to wear a black and white stripped dress with some black flat shoes. My hair is straight half up half down, and it's just been dyed recently so it's that lovely red colour.

Not long passes before I see Cook with Naomi, who is looking breathtakingly... just amazing! My god, I don't think I can stop staring and she probably has noticed me gawping at her. She has a blue skirt on and a white top and some white heeled shoes, with her hair straight.

"Hey babe" Cook says to Katie before going in for a kiss. Eugh. I don't know where to look now as I'm not feeling particularly comfortable with this scene which is taking place right in front of me and Naomi. She doesn't look too keen either as she glances at me before looking away; I swear I saw her blush. Then I remembered that she might actually like me still, I mean she did tell me she didn't want to all those months ago, but then again she was pretty upset that Jenny dumped her. Still can't get over it.

"Come on you two, I want to get drunk sometimes tonight!" Naomi shouts.

So we all go in the club seen as though Cook said the others would be inside somewhere. Great me and Naomi are left on our own, seen as though they have both left us and it is just pretty awkward right now. I don't know where the others are either.

Naomi goes over to the bar and orders a drink for herself, but not before asking me if I would like one, which I gladly accept. I take the drink and we go and sit down in a corner seat facing the dance floor.

I don't know what to say to her as we haven't spoken properly in months and even then we didn't really speak, so right now I'm feeling pretty scared, but I needed to have the courage to start up a conversation.

"I'm sorry about you and Jenny" Okay where the fuck did that come from? I'm not sorry, I'm glad in a way, not the way she was upset but I thought I should say it.

"No you're not" she says with a smirk on her face. Erm. .FUCK.? I blush knowing that she probably can see the colour of my face right now.

"Uh-huh..I am.." I say shyly knowing that she doesn't believe me.

"Listen Em. I can call you Em right? Well never mind that, don't apologize for things you don't mean. I'm over it." Over what? That's confused me but I decide to leave it there I just smiled at her and she returned the smile, even though it looked fake.

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A few hours later, I was trashed right now and I'm pretty Naomi was too as she asked me to dance.

"Emily Fitch, care for a dance?" she giggled.

"Love to Naomi Campbell." I smile.

We got on the dance floor and started dancing to this cool bopping song. I was smiling like a freak right now, yeah call me weird? I don't care; I have the most gorgeous girl in the whole world dancing with me. She places her hands around my hips and pulls me close to her. EEK! I'm finding it difficult to breathe right now and I have so many feelings in my tummy right now. She's moving me within rhythm to her and the music and it feels wonderful, honestly I haven't been this happy in... well forever!

I was lost in thought because the next thing I knew everyone was counting down to midnight. Naomi was still holding me and;

"TEN...NINE...EIGHT...SEVEN...SIX...FIVE...FOUR...THREE...TWO...ONE! HAPPY NEW YEARRR!" everyone screamed out.

"Happy New Year Emily" she says smiling.

"Happy New Ye..." I'm cut off by her leaning in to kiss me. OH-MY-GAWD! Fuck me, this is like a dream come true. Her lips were so soft and I automatically responded to the kiss. Our tongues collided with each other as she placed her hands in my hair pushing me closer into her.

I was so fucking happy and nothing in this world could ruin this moment!

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**Hope you liked this chapter :) Reviews would be nice :) Thank you all for reading, please tell me what you think. :) **

**I also have formspring if you want to ask me anything :)**

**.me/ammysyma Thank you :)**


	6. Loving sister

**This is a very short chapter, more like a filler. But next one will be longer, I promise just hope you like it anyway. Reviews would be nice (even though I don't really deserve them for this) Thanks for reading/etc :) **

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Chapter 6

_I was so fucking happy and nothing in this world could ruin this moment!_

Oh but it could... approximately an hour later, here I am crying in the arms of my sister, Katie.

How did I get so upset? Yeah you might not want to ask me that, but here we go I'll rewind to an hour earlier...

_She pulled away from our kiss and I couldn't help but smile, probably the biggest smile I've ever given in my life at this current moment. Well it didn't last because as soon as I blinked, I saw her kissing another girl.. wait make that two.. oh you don't even want to know. Oh great, now she's kissing guys as well. I could feel a tear dripping down onto my cheek. I couldn't move from that spot as I was just honestly gutted and heartbroken. I gave my heart to her from that moment and she instantly crushed it, from the moment she received it. _

_I honestly couldn't stay there for any fucking longer. So I ran, ran all the way home, I didn't even get a taxi, I couldn't let anyone see me like this... I decided the only person I could talk to was Katie, even if she was sometimes a bitch, I needed my sister and I needed to tell her everything. _

So here I was, crying in her arms. I told her everything, how I liked Naomi from when I first saw her up until the point where she made me the happiest I've ever been and then breaking me heart all in a matter of about sixty seconds.

"I really like her, Katie." I say crying.

"I know you do Emily."

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I went to work the next day, and nothing changed. She acted normal (like herself anyway) and didn't mention anything to me about last night, well all she said was. "Good night Emily, just don't remember any of it" and she laughed! I just had to bite my teeth and agree with her, even though it hurt me loads.

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After work, I decided to go back to Katie's and see her.

"I don't know what to do; she doesn't remember anything what happened last night. I had to agree with her, I can't tell her what happened." I say.

"She's no good for you! She's just a complete bitch"

"Hey!" I shout. "That's not fair, she's not. She just was too drunk to remember anything."

"What? Are you on her side now? I thought she just broke your heart and you're willing to forget it. Ems, as much as I love you, you have to say something, either that or you should just forget her and move on. I'm pretty sure there are a million girls out there, just waiting for you to pick them"

"Oh gawd! You sound like I'm a slut. Sorry, not my style m'dear."

"That's not what I meant, I just think you should move on. We'll go out tomorrow, okay? We'll get you a girlfriend. You're bound to like someone else, it won't be that hard."

"Okay then" I guess I'll have to look forward to that... even if I secretly don't want to, but who knows right?

I'd always remember that night, even if I don't know whether it was the best night of my life or the worst.


	7. New start?

**Sorry I haven't updated in like forever! I am in the middle of writing my next chapter too. and my internet is fucked so hopefully I can update asap like tomorrow! And I've started uni again today! :-/ Anyway hope you like this chapter :) Not the best and I need to start writing longer chapters... well enjoy. Please review anything good or bad. Opinions, thoughts anything! Thank you :)**

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Chapter 7

A few weeks later, I found myself chatting online to this girl on facebook. We exchanged phone numbers and now we haven't stopped texting since. We are planning to meet up tonight, so that's always a good thing. I just hope it goes to plan as well as I want it to. Well... I'm sure it would.. I don't see why not.

Therefore when evening comes, I'm getting more and more excited to meet Sarah. That's her name by the way.. incase you haven't noticed. So anyway, she's twenty years old, she has brown hair and brown eyes and she's incredibly gorgeous... well in her pictures anyway.

So here I am stood outside the restaurant waiting patiently for Sarah to arrive. I arranged to meet her at 8:30pm and it's just turned 8:25pm. I decided on wearing something low key. Smart casual is the style I went for. I mean, I do like to dress up but I'm not a big fan to tell you the truth... but that's me. Katie is the total opposite of me, and that's a good thing I guess.. even though there are some similarities I would rather keep.. for instance my own mum accepting who I am, and for her to understand that I'm just the same as anyone else in this world, no matter whether I'm gay, bisexual or straight... speaking of which I've arranged to go to Manchester Pride with Sarah. That should be good fun! Speaking of which.. here she comes now.. I think.

"Hello Emily! So lovely to finally meet you." She smiles widely, which I quite like. "How are you?"

"Hey Sarah. Yeah I'm pretty well thanks, and you? Lovely to meet you too!" I say as she reaches in for a hug. I try my best not to get too excited but yeah.. it kind of failed. Luckily she didn't notice.. or at least I don't think she did as she didn't mention anything.

We decide to go inside and wait until the waiter directs us to our table. When he's done this, we chat about all sorts of things, and the conversation seems to flow quite well, which is a huge relief because I was hoping to make all this forgetting about Naomi as easy as possible. Luckily it seemed to be working rather well to be quite honest with you.

"I can't wait to go to Pride next weekend with you. I've been a few times now and I love it every time!" she says.

"Me too. Well the first bit." I laugh.. "..but I've never been to Pride before, so I'm quite looking forward to it. What days are we going? And what will we be doing there?" I ask.

"Well I thought maybe we could go on the Friday to have a look around since it starts at 6pm. We can go have a drink whilst we walk around for a bit. Saturday, we can watch the parade and maybe go clubbing in the evening? I nod before she carries on, "Sunday, we'd probably be hungover so maybe we could just rest for the day? And Monday we can stay the whole day if you want until it's finished?"

"Yeah that sounds brilliant!" I say ecstatically.

So we carry on talking about Pride and what clubs we like to hang out in and other stuff. We seem to be talking for ages because I don't notice the time, until Sarah announces that she needs to go home as she has work the following morning. I'm quite gutted though because I was hoping to spend longer with her, even though it's nearly midnight already. Shocking really.

I ask for the bill and we both pay our fair share, which to be honest I'm glad of because I couldn't really afford to pay for Sarah as well. And we have only just met, even though I do seem to really like her. We leave the restaurant and start to walk home. It's quite peaceful and we don't have far to walk. Well I don't anyway.

"So this is me..." I say and she suddenly stops walking. I think I can see disappointment in her face, which I'm glad of because I thing she might actually really like me.

"Wow, that was a short journey! You don't live that far from me though." She says smiling.

"That's good. I'm really looking forward to next weekend with you?"

"Me too, I'll see you soon yeah?" She says.

I nod, "Okay!"

We lean in to hug each other and she leans in a bit too far, or maybe she intended on doing that. Well either way we're kissing and it feels nice.

Not as nice as when me and Naomi kissed, and I was drunk then as well. But it feels nice.


	8. Pride

**This story turned out longer than I expected. And I'm not sure what I was writing about. Please review. :) **

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Chapter 8

It's Saturday night now. Me and Sarah looked around last night which was good fun and I was proper excited to be going clubbing. I also love clubbing and with Sarah it's going to be 100% better anyway. The parade today was just amazing. I've seen the Pride parade before though.. a couple of years ago with some people from school.

Anyway, I'm getting ready and I've decided to wear something ultra cool. Well I am wearing a nice black and blue dress with my black high heeled shoes and they're pretty awesome if I must say so myself! Not like I'm trying to be big headed or anything haha.

I look at the clock once I'm ready and it's 7:15pm. She said she'd pick me up around 7:30pm because it takes about an hour to get there.

We arrive into one of the clubs, "Vanilla" which happens to be my favourite club ever. It's a lesbian club and only girls are allowed in, which has the added bonus seen as though I am gay and am not what so ever interested in guys. Besides, I'm having fun with Sarah and I can't wait to meet other gay girls and even guys as well. Not like they'd be interested in me as such... well I'd hope not!

This club is packed with tons of girls and the music is raving in the background, far too loud that I can't even hear myself think. I guess that's a good thing though because even though I like Sarah, I still think about and miss Naomi. A hell of a lot. I never thought I would, I mean not now not like that because how can I? It's not right. She even ignores me in work now. Doesn't even look at me, and probably doesn't even think about me. I don't think she even remembers our kiss to be honest with you. Anyway, I don't care anymore about her so sssh.

I head over to the bar and order a drink for me and Sarah, when all of a sudden my dreams are shattered! Not like they were that good or anything, you know I like Sarah right? Of course I do, it's just that I suddenly see her. My worst enemy or could I say the girl who I can't seem to get out of my head. Her. Naomi. Fuck. This is bad.

She turns her head and suddenly she is looking right at me. I don't think she notices me at first, not properly. I know we work together and everything, it's just I look completely different. Not in a bad way though, of course.

"Oh hey, I didn't know you'd be coming to Pride this year." She says kind of in a panicked way. Even though I'm not sure why if I say so myself. Gawsh, maybe she's brought someone along, you know her new girlfriend or whatever. Not like I'm bothered or anything. I don't care anymore, like I said before, I do not what so ever care about her in any way possible.

"Yeah, it's always been my dream to come to meet new people and see what all the fuss is about." I say whilst laughing slightly.

"Oh right. Yeah me too. So who you here with then?" she says in a quite timid way, which confuses me because she's acting like she's jealous or something, which is just weird.

"Uhm just with my..." I'm about to say girlfriend, but I'm not sure if I should. "...friend". Yes that's it. Friend. As much as I like Sarah, I'm not sure I really want her to be my girlfriend. I know, I know sue me now. It's just I do like her. Yes. I mean Naomi.

"Oh right, that's cool. I'm also here with my friend. Not sure where she's gone though." She says unsurely.

"Right.." I say. "Anyway better get going, you know back to my friend." I say.

She looks at me, "No please don't leave, I mean... I've lost my friend... can I don't know, hang with you for a bit?"

"Okay." I say, I don't know why I'm saying this because she fucking hurt me. I know she hasn't cheated on me or anything, it's just I feel betrayed.

We go to where Sarah is and start dancing. It feels weird actually. Two girls I really like here. In the same room as me. OH gawd. It feels like I'm in competition. Damn. I can't handle this anymore. So I walk outside to get some fresh air. I light up a cigarette and start to breathe normally. I know I shouldn't have left them in there on their own but I can't handle this situation.

I hear the door slam shut and see Naomi there. Fucking hell, my stomach is in knots now. It's going all funny. I'm not drunk, obviously. I don't think Naomi is either. All of a sudden, she's leaning on the wall next to me.

"Hey, uhm.. I think your friend went home."

"What?" I shout, regardless of the people around us, not like there are many anyway.

"Sorry, she said she had to leave and said that she texted you."

I check my phone and see I have one new message. I open it up and read it and it's from Sarah.

_Hey Sorry babe, I couldn't stay much longer.. well actually that's a lie. I know you like this girl, so don't hide in fear all your life hun. Good luck. I did like you, it's just I think you like this Naomi girl a lot more. I'm on my way now to meet another girl. Maybe as good as you was. ;-)_

Damn. She's really nice, why couldn't I have liked her instead of Naomi. Fucking hell. Life is so confusing!

Naomi looks at me. "Are you okay?" I nod,

"Yeah I'm alright." I look up at her and realise she's looking directly at my lips.

I know I can't do this again. She's not drunk I don't think but I have to ask her.

"Naomi..." She moves in closer and whispers in my ear.

"Ssh. Don't speak" and then her breath is directly near my mouth and my heart is racing so fast, I can actually feel hers. She kisses me.

It was a proper kiss and I loved every second of it, it's just, she's going to forget all about it. I know she is.

She starts to cry. "I'm sorry Ems"


	9. Let's see, shall we?

**New chapter. I love everyone visiting my story and reading it. I found something cool out the other day. Pretty awesome. Even though I don't get many reviews I still like to publish it and see that people are reading it :) so thanks. Any reviews would be very grateful. Hope you're all okay and enjoy this chapter. I would also like to know more about my readers so tell me a bit about yourself? :) **

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She runs away. Deep into the darkness of the world. Fuck sake. Why the fuck has she just ran away from me? Or should I say our kiss. Damn. I lit out my cigarette and run after her, to try and look for her. She's not doing this again.

At last I find her, sat on the wet green grass over by the lake near where she lives. I didn't think she would go have gone home because I think she mentioned Cook would be there with Katie. Not sure why like, maybe he thought she would be stopping at a random girls house or something.

I kneel down towards her and just look at her,

"Come on Naomi, look at me. Why did you run away? And why are you crying?" I ask softly.

She looks up and I see how adorable she is. I know she's crying and everything but I really like the way she looks right now. Not like I do always but you know.

"I..uh..I'm sorry..I'm just sc..ared..." She sobs.

"What of?" I ask wanted to know.

"This. I like you but I'm just scared because I don't want to hurt you. And I hurt you before. I tried to forget it about our kiss. I tried to forget all these feelings, because Emily you mean the world to me and I just don't want you to get hurt anymore than you already have." She says.

Oh my. So she doesn't forget our first kiss then. Even if we were both drunk. This is shocking.

"But you are hurting me by ignoring it. I really like you Naomi and I'm always here for you. I don't want you to forget about anything for me." I lean in to put my arms around her and she leans into me, her head resting on my chest. I can feel her heart beating so fast. I smile.

"I really like you too Ems." She whispers.

"Can we stay like this? For a bit?" she asks.

"Yeah. We can. For a bit" I say.

So we stay like that for a while just holding each other and not letting anything bother us for the time being. I know we need to talk later on though, because I can't not do anything about this. I mean she said she likes me right? This day has just turned out to be amazing.

It's been a couple of hours since that event and now we are in Naomi's living room just having a general chat. It's amazing because we are actually like flirting with each other and staring at each other every now and then.

"So Ems. I was thinking..uhm..maybe you want to stay over tonight? Don't worry, I'll sleep on the sofa bed, you can take my bed." She says nervously.

"Yeah okay, that seems fine." I smile. "...but it's okay I don't mind sleeping on the sofa bed.. or.. maybe we could just share your bed.. I mean we're only sleeping right?" I say, also nervously.

"Yeah okay. I guess that will be okay" she says, looking at the floor. I smile knowing that she's nervous.

So basically, we end up going upstairs and I mention that I don't have any pajamas. Yeah.. we're both looking very uncomfortable right now. She mumbles something and hands me a t-shirt and a pair of shorts.

"Sorry.. they're probably too big for you, but I don't have anything else..." she trails off.

"It's alright" I say as I head out to the bathroom, knowing that it's only round the corner from her bedroom.

As I come back into the room, I walk straight in, because I totally forgot that she was getting changed in here and I see her in her underwear. I freeze, I can't move and she's now looking directly into my eyes, and I know she's feeling exactly the same as me. Probably worse because she's the one who's half naked! I exit the room and mumble an apology through the door.

Five minutes later, she comes outside her room and smiles a nervous smile at me and blushes.

"Uhm.. sorry about that." I mumble again. She just nods and lets me back in her room.

I get into her bed and before she joins me, she asks me if I want to watch a DVD before we go to sleep. We agree on a DVD and start to watch a romantic comedy. She joins in the bed next to me after she switches her light off. She puts her arm around me and I cuddle up to her. It feels nice and my tummy is acting all funny. We're just two people who like each other. No harm in that right?

A couple of hours later, I end up waking up. The TV is switched off and I'm still cuddled up to Naomi. I smile to myself and grumble a bit.

"Hey sleepyhead!" Naomi whispers.

"Hey" I say.

"I didn't want to wake you, you looked so peaceful and adorable"

I giggle and turn to look at her, even though it's fairly dark. "Did you really just call me adorable?"

"Yeah, because you are Ems." She smiles and leans in to give me a kiss on my forehead.

"MMM, maybe you are too. Did you know that?" I tease and lean in to kiss her lips.

"You're such a tease. A sexy tease at that." She says and gives me a proper kiss.

"Go to sleep Ems. We have to get up early tomorrow for work!"

So we end up cuddling and her arms are around my waist as I fall into a deep slumber.


End file.
